Reuters – Pete Hegseth, Donald Trump’s nominee for Secretary of Defense, has vowed he will not drink while serving in the President’s cabinet if confirmed.
“Nope, no all-night benders with [Supreme Court Justice] Kavanaugh,” mourned the Fox News personality. “I was really looking forward to all the boofing and kegstands. But I’ve made a promise, and we all know how far promises go with this administration.”
“No sir,” continued Hegseth during Senate hearings. “From now on it’s all underage pooner and bathsalts. I’m a brand new man.”
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